Location, Location, Location!

You know those days where it’s hard to even get out of bed, let alone think? And where everything is like a million butterflies flapping at once and you feel like you’re going to fall over? Today was one of them.

I woke at six am as my mobile was ringing; it was my girlfriend calling from overseas, so naturally I was a tad more than keen to take the call. I got out of bed and went outside to get some air whilst I was talking to her. We spoke for a while and after I got off the phone I crawled back into the warm (but big and empty, sniff) sanctuary that is my bed. A couple of minutes later I had intense stomach pains, and rushed to the toilet. I won’t go into graphic detail, but I was feeling it at both ends and it wasn’t exactly pretty.

Forty-five minutes later I was back in bed and drifted off to sleep, though I was still not feeling too crash hot. I woke at various times throughout the day but kept dozing. Around 3pm (it was a great sleep in) I got up again, walked outside in my dressing gown and old man slippers to get the mail. Whilst I was standing at the front door flicking through to see what horribly huge bills were here to weigh on my shoulders and wallet, I saw a well dressed guy distributing pamphlets. I waved genially to him as he passed our house. He replied with the standard “G’day mate” and slipped something in the letterbox. Now me being someone who believes in moments in life that changes us, I thought “If this is some sort of helpful pamphlet I’m gonna do it, no matter what it is”. It could have been a promotion for a community centre or a leaflet to recruit people into Islam, which would have been fine as the growth on my face was getting ratty.

I sauntered slowly back to the letterbox and opened it up, wondering what life changing literature would stare up at me. And it was… a real estate agent flyer. Fanbloodytastic. I’d placed my faith and salvation in an auctioneer.

Talk about your all time backfires of redemption.

I walked back inside and crawled back into bed disheartened and disconsolate.