Characters on Public Transport

Those who use good old PT will feel and share my pain at tonight’s train ride home. The train home takes around 40 minutes. I get on at the first stop and get off at the last, so I experience the whole gamut of train events and come across all kinds of people. Tonight though, I came across just about all the stereotypes:

1. The young person playing f*cking loud Doof Doof on their iPod.
You know the ones, they keep to themselves, make eye contact with no one, and play loud music that the whole carriage can hear and is sick of after one stop. Only when they get off the train do you get a reprieve, unless they get off when you do. And then you wanna hit them.

2. The “large” person who sits next to you and takes up half your seat
I have no issue with large people, I myself ain’t the smallest bloke going around. But, it may be harsh, if you’re perhaps a bit big for a standard seat, sit on two empty ones so that everyone’s comfortable. Tonight’s person was just about on top of me. Ugh. AND THERE WERE OTHER EMPTY SEATS TOGETHER! Pisses me off.

3. The old man who shakes his head and clicks his tongue, disapproving of everything
Grey hair, specs, sometimes a mo, and basically an attitude of “trains ain’t what they used to be and this one is real slow”. What they fail to realise is that their clicking annoys people much more than they themselves are annoyed.

4. The Sniffer
It’s coming to the end of winter, and some people have the sniffles. Fine, use tissues. Most do, which is great. But there’s always one person who doesn’t, and sniffs away the whole friggin trip. USE YOUR SLEEVE AT LEAST!

5. The bum, drinking Woodstock cans
On my train, there’s a guy who does this, he popped four cans in twenty minutes, guzzled away and the whole carriage smelt like cheap bourbon. I wish I had a lit match to flick and watch the f*cker go up in flames. PLUS, he has a bike (see #6)

6. The Bike Rider
Bikes on trains, no dramas, but in peak hour when you’re like sardines?! Pick a mode of transport and see it out, you Swiss Traveller.

7. The Observer
Usually watches everyone else and judges them all by what stereotype they fill. Tonight, I was the observer.

Seriously, all these characters were within two metres of me. I wanted The Sniffer to blow his nose in The Drinker’s bourbon can, then throw it as The iPod and follow through and punch the old man in the jaw. The Large Person could then have moved over, and I’d have been sweet

Yeah…I was relieved when the train pulled in.