If Sorkin wrote for Rudd

In this oberserver’s opinion, the Australian political scene lacks a certain air of gravitas and grace from its participants. Too often opportunities to charm and woo the audience are let go and the viewers are dished up more of the bland same.

Compare this with The West Wing, the series that examines life inside the White House and executive administration, created by Aaron Sorkin. In this environment, both the president and his spokespersons alike all have a certain intangible charm, especially White House Press Secretary CJ Cregg who charms a media pack like an old hand.

So – what would happen if Aaron Sorkin was writing a series about the Australian political landscape? I imagine it might go something like this…

Doorstop interview with Kevin Rudd, Leader of the Opposition.

Reporter:
Mr Rudd, the environment’s been a big topic this week and the government say you’ve flip-flopped on Kyoto, how do you respond to that?

Rudd:
They’re climate change sceptics but they’re going after the green vote – as Malcolm Turnbull now knows, you can’t have your yellowcake and eat it too.

Reporter:
Your environment spokesman Peter Garrett’s been quoted as saying that you’ll change all your policies after the election, a bit embarrassing?

Rudd:
Steve Price has form in deceiving the public. In 2004 he went on national television and claimed to have a copy of the Latham Bucks Night on tape – a video that never existed. And we know Peter Garrett has a sense of humour and was joking, he still maintains that he’s a good dancer.

Reporter:
Tony Abbott’s had a shocker in the past week or so, do you see that as arrogance from the government?

Rudd:
Tony Abbott wasn’t being arrogant, that requires careful planning. His brain just lost a few hands of Catholic Roulette.

Reporter:
The polls show voters are increasingly viewing the Prime Minister as out of touch, do you agree with that view?

Rudd:
Mr Howard’s not out of touch – he just can’t see the future for the eyebrows.

Reporter:
The Prime Minister and Treasurer are campaigning as a team in this election more so than in the past, what do you make of that?

Rudd:
It’s a funny old team that’s for sure, with John Howard the Man of Steel, and Peter Costello the Tin Man lamenting “If I only had a spine”.

Reporter:
Your TV advertisements warn of changes to WorkChoices yet the government are adamant there won’t be any more after the election, what do you say to that?

Rudd:
I see Joe Hockey’s offered to quit if there are any changes to WorkChoices, but Kevin Andrews beat him to that a year ago when the Fairness Test was introduced following a series of bad polls for the government. And just on changes to industrial relations, I hear Mr Howard’s scrapping Labour Day and replacing it with “Liberal Day”. It’ll be the best unpaid 24 hours overtime of our lives. Thankyou.